But God has such a funny way of changing your mind. I was talking with a friend last night saying how I really didn’t think I was meant for this kind of ministry and that I couldn’t do it. I went to bed tired, homesick, and burnt out. But this morning when I rose at 6am for coffee with Pastor Henri [the “boss” around here], Sister Gladys [the “big mama” around here], Joe [our Canadian teacher/friend], and John [our faithful teammate]…. God said “Brittan, I want you to stay.” Well … in so many words that’s what He said. Through James 1 He reminded me of what builds character and what endurance is and how it is to be faithful in the midst of trying times. So as I added more sugar to my coffee [aka Haitian Sludge] I heard the argument in my heart. One side saying – Go home, you can serve Him there, you can hang out with your friends, have your quiet time, it’s ok to leave early, it’s what you want. The other side saying – Stay here, it’s not what you want, and that’s why you should stay. Serve when it’s hard, when you are tired and hot, when you aren’t liked, when you feel like nothing is doing anything and no one cares if you go or you stay. So…. As of now, I’m listening to voice number 2, God’s voice. I agreed and He has blessed me beyond measure today.
I went to our nurse and randomly decided I wanted to work in the medical clinic today. She was soooo grateful since 3 of the other nurses quit/got fired. Mondays she said are very full and hard days and she was praying God would send help. So down to the free, public health clinic we went, 2 young girls in tow to translate for us.
I’m not sure how many of you have ever worked in a third world country medical center –I hadn’t until a few hours ago. Now…. I’m no doctor but I know that when I’m hot I have fever, when I’m bleeding to cover it up, or when I am sick not to keep eating whatever made me puke. However, here the most basic health practices are completely foreign. I spent the morning seeing patients in excruciating pain… but for some of whom simple lifestyle changes would change everything. Clean water, regular bathing, clean food, vitamins…. It was insane. However, there were those patients with malaria, fevers, and hernias. It was difficult to see such pain, but good to offer a smile, a place to sit, water, and compassion. The last of those bringing the most change. For them to know that someone, anyone, cares is more than most of them ever get.
You see…. Caring here is dangerous. Life here is so unstable that to care too much is to risk too much of your heart. People die daily it’s almost not worth it to the people here to spend too much time building relationships or getting too involved. It is risky business to love. But this morning I held, Oslyn, a 3-week-old baby covered in sores, sick, and hungry. I watched her mom hold her, too. Hold her- but at a distance. It struck my heart how much this nation needs God. Needs our God who NEVER holds us at a distance. Our God, who knew the ultimate risk of love, yet loved without reserve. So I held Oslyn tight and prayed that she might one day know the embrace of her True Father –the one who wouldn’t let the fear of loss to prevent the joy of love.
All that to say… I am glad I am still here. May God use me to love through. May I be able to hold people, smile at people, serve people in a way different from all that surrounds them and above all may that difference point them to our Loving God.
Bring on the lizards, bugs, heat, pigs, interesting “food,” and everything else all for the Glory of God.
0 comments:
Post a Comment